


Slaying us

by Fredu



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:18:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1264444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fredu/pseuds/Fredu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the joy, life sends, family and friends, all the twists and bends, knowing that it ends, well, that depends...</p>
<p>(This ignores Buffy comics and happens a year after the collapse of Sunnydale.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My first Spuffy fic and first time writing a fanfiction in english. I'm not native speaker, so this is very exciting experience. :D If you see any mistakes, please correct me. I had beta now, but I don't know if I have beta for the first chapter so... Let's see. :) 
> 
> This time my beta reader was Televa, my awesome friend. She has also profile here and she's good writer. (http://archiveofourown.org/users/Televa) Thank you♥

**Prologue**  
_Once More… With Feeling!_

Spike wasn’t used to this kind of pain. Yes, he had felt soreness in his muscles before, but on those times the ache hadn’t been this paralyzing. It was almost like he was on fire. Usually his body didn’t mind whatever he did, but this time it was different. He was laying on grass and he could feel the morning dew against his bare neck. His breath was fast, almost like he had run a marathon. His back was hurting. Had he fell? He hadn’t been this aware of his body in years. Even breathing hurt, but of course he could stop it. He was a vampire, after all.

Except he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he had to keep on breathing. It couldn’t be true. He tried not to breathe but soon his head was aching.  
“Bloody hell,” he whispered to himself. He heard his blood rushing in his ears. His _blood_. He was a human. He was a _bloody_ human, weak and… alive? He started to remember some kind of things before he fell unconscious.

They had given him a second chance. They had been pleased and he had proven to them that a soulless vampire could feel. His love for Buffy had touched them so deeply, that they had been moved. Why they had brought him back? They must have known Buffy didn’t love him. To Buffy he was only a substitute for Angel.

Speaking of Buffy, Spike didn’t know where he was. Not in Sunnydale, that’s for sure. He knew every single park in there and this wasn’t one Sunnydale’s. Great. He had to find Buffy, but how could he ever manage in an unknown town?  
“You gotta be kidding me,” Spike rolled his eyes. He stood up uneasily and for a moment doubted his ability to walk through the town. He wasn’t sure how he could manage, because now he had to deal with hunger. And he was hungry as hell.

Randomly he picked a destination and started walking. It was so impractical to be human. If he was a vampire, he could have killed a few humans on his way, but a walking hamburger would never cross his way so basically he was forced to walk with burning hunger and thirst.

“This is better be the way”


	2. Every single night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, but I've been busy with my matriculation examination and school. -.-' And in April I participated in Camp NaNo. I'm very thankful for your comments, they helped me quite a lot and it meant a lot to me that you commented. Thank you for that! And thanks for leaving kudos, you all make me very happy! :) Again, feel free to correct me.
> 
> But here's the first chapter!

  
**Chapter one**   
_Every single night_   


Buffy was wondering if she would ever get over him. Angel and Riley had gone by and she was still stunned by them if she saw them, but they didn’t knock her from her feet. Like Spike had done. She missed him more than everyone thought. Giles guessed it was because there was lack of activity on this hellmouth and Buffy was used to fights. They practically sat around and did nothing. It had been a year and she had slayed only fifty vampires. Demons hadn’t been problem, no human killings past year. A few animals, but not humans. Actually, Clem lived in a graveyard near their place. Clem knew what she missed from her earlier life, she had talked about it. He was the only one who knew the softer side of Spike. He had told Buffy all the things she had missed when she lived in denial. Sometimes she laughed, sometimes she cried. Depended on what Clem told her. Sometimes she wanted to hear about Spike’s dark past just to know what he had done. What she should have made him pay when he lived and why she should hate him. Sometimes she regretted not killing him when she had a chance, but then Clem told her what good he had done. Those moments seemed very few in two-hundred-year-old life.

It was nice to talk about Spike with someone who also liked him. Clem actually cried when he heard about Spike’s death and Buffy was sorry to tell him. It had hurt, but Buffy didn’t cry, because her tears had dried on their way to Cleveland. Thank Gods government had paid their mouths shut, they had managed to get so much money they didn’t have to work at all. Government built a house the way they told them to. Dawn, Kennedy and Willow got their schools paid until they graduate. They received a huge amount of money monthly. Still Giles put up a magic shop with Willow, just to be sure that they had always enough supplies if something happened. Buffy didn’t care much, she just did what se had to and the rest of the time she hanged out with Clem or trained. She didn’t realize how worried her friends were about her. Slaying was her only interest in life and it was strange. When she was back from the dead, she wasn’t this careless and robotic. She was quite careless and good for nothing and lost back then, but now she was going through the motions without even trying to hide her feelings.

Giles thought she was sad because she didn’t have any pictures of her mother. Her mother’s grave was gone and many of her memories had collapsed with their house. Giles was also mourning for his precious books. They all had been sad about things, but Buffy never got over it. Soon they learned to accept it and nowadays they didn’t even notice. Dawn was too adult to complain, Willow was busy with shop and Kennedy, and Xander had his geeky things with Andrew. Angel noticed, he cared and he missed the old Buffy. He had lived with them six months, slept with Buffy and finally was the boyfriend Buffy wanted. Except he was a wrong vampire. He had heard through his sleep how Buffy had called Spike, cried for him and begged him to leave with her. He had heard a soft ‘I love you’ in the middle of the night, addressed to someone else.

Angel was still in love with Buffy, the girl, who just used him like she used to use Spike. Angel couldn’t bear that. Buffy curled up to his lap before going to sleep, but he was just a tool. Someone who was cold as a stone but had feelings for her. Angel didn’t know how Buffy had treated Spike, but he sure knew he hated Captain Peroxide. Once he had been stronger and crueler than that british prat. Once he had had Drusilla’s love and admiration. Spike had stolen her from him, just like Spike took his ‘the most violent vampire ever’ crown. Spike had stolen everything from him, but nothing had hurt so much like losing Buffy. It had felt so safe knowing there was someone who cared and loved. Someone who had his back and would always be there. Angel was too selfish to blame himself, he had left Buffy and didn’t come back when things were good. He wasn’t there when things got rough, like Spike was. Buffy used to compare Spike and Angel, and differences were so visible even a blind man could see them. She clinged to Angel, his soul and his kindness. She didn’t remember faults, she didn’t remember how he left her crying and never came back like promised. She didn’t remember how he didn’t care. Angel’s perception of love was from 1800’s, he expected Buffy to love him whatever came along, even then when he really wasn’t there and dating her. No one ever judged Angel when he hurt Buffy, but if Spike even looked mean when Buffy spoke they were ready to stake him. Xander never wanted to kill Angel.

When Angel left Buffy said calmly her goodbyes, waved and smiled. The smile was hollow, but it wasn’t nothing new. She hadn’t smiled truly after the collapse of Sunnydale. Buffy also felt hollow, there was a missing piece and in the long time she knew what she wanted. 76 bloody trombones and a parade should have been walking around this little Cleveland suburb. She gave a little smile to the tree which bark tickled her cheek and sighed. Spike. That vampire put himself in her life all the time though he was dead. She knew she didn’t want him to be dead, but usually everyone around Buffy died at least once. Some died twice and some changed their species, like Anyanka did. Her demonself kind of died when she became Anya Jenkins. Buffy sighed again. It hurt to think Anya, who got cut half just because Andrew was too scared to defend himself. Anya did stupid things a lot, but at least she died like a hero. Xander wasn’t that happy of that, though.

Xander missed Anya, but he had moved on. He had become closer with Andrew, who cried over his geek stuff. He bursted in tears when someone said something about Sunnydale. There was his precious special editions. Xander didn’t want to remember all those things, but he got bored at home when Dawn, Kennedy, Andrew and Willow were at school. He didn’t want to go to school and Buffy thought she had enough job already. Some days they just fooled around, but Xander knew better. He had so much time to think and look after Buffy that he knew something was wrong. He was the most worried, because Willow seemed to concentrate to magic shop and Kennedy more than this kind of stuff. She managed very well with magic, no world dominations and stuff. Giles was too tired to worry, so Xander took it his job. He tried to make Buffy talk, but she always closed more up. If that was even possible, she never told them anything. Not even what commercials were about, if they asked. So they weren’t asking anymore.

Buffy didn’t mind, she liked being alone though it reminded her how she used to be alone with Spike. Spike gave her time and space when she mostly needed them, but was able to see if something truly was wrong. She had realized so much things after the apocalypse that it felt like she had been blind the whole time. Spike had been so much more than a rapist and a killer, even before he got his soul. He had protected Dawn when she was gone and what she had heard was almost devastating. She knew Spike saved her every night in his dreams when she was gone (147 days, he had counted), but she never knew how he cried and yearned after her. Clem said he had listened those cries outside of the crypt almost right after her passing and also after the funeral. Spike had been there under an umbrella. He had stolen a suit, just to honour her memory. Xander had took pictures and some of them were in Buffy’s training bag in a bus. There was a picture, where white rose was placed to her hands and Spike was giving her forehead a gentle kiss. The tears were so visible it hurt. That was the time when she really realized how much Spike had loved her. He went to get his soul, despite Xander’s unappropriate behavior he took care of Dawn and helped the Scooby gang… And after her getting back from the dead, he couldn’t stop tears falling when he saw her and hold her hands. He took care of her, he listened when she wanted to talk and now he wasn’t there anymore.

She fell in love with him in that moment they united their hands at the hellmouth. It had escaped from her lips, but Spike thought it was a lie. A sweet, beautiful lie which made death easier. He didn’t know it was true. He did not know how she had finally understood what Spike had had in mind. It made everything harder. Sometimes, when she was overly tired, Angel looked like Spike. Sometimes after the patrol she hugged Spike but let go of Angel. It had hurt more, so she had to stop. She guessed it was the reason of Angel’s departure, no one ever told her what she had said in her sleep. Maybe they lived in denial. She knew how Xander thought about her and Spike, he had been too happy when Angel had moved with them. Xander hated Spike even more when he got to know what he did with Buffy. Buffy wasn’t sorry, it was the most amazing sex she had ever had. Well, she didn’t have much experience, but she was sure she could ever break a house with sex anymore. It had been burning passion, dark-eyed lust in their eyes and unidentified bond. Looking back at it made her smile stupidly. If she someday find someone who has even half of Spike, she wouldn’t let him go. Vampire or not, it didn’t matter anymore. She knew a vampire could know love, even better than a normal man.

Sun was rising and it was better to go back inside. It was nothing new, but if she managed to stay awake whole night, she would manage to make breakfast for her students. Willow, Kennedy, Andrew and Dawn would wake up soon, she had to make their lunches and everything. Like many other mornings. She had adopted a role of a mother when they had discovered there weren’t much to slay. She had found a reason why she was brought back and what was her place in this world, but still she was unable to fully care. She clinged to her grief and Xander felt like he had lost one of his best friends. Everyone were so busy moving on with their lives they didn’t notice. He did. He saw the hurtful truth Buffy tried to hide. Buffy had been the happiest and strongest of them, but now she wished she was dead. For the first time ever Xander hoped that Spike was alive. It would be so much easier, Buffy would care and live. They might live forever in danger, but it would be worth it.

Strawberry jam and Nutella for Dawn, cheese and mettwurst for Kennedy, cheese and cucumber for Andrew, strawberry jam and oranges for Willow. Buffy was accustomed to this, her actions was almost mechanical. She packed their lunches in fabric bags, where she also put a water bottles and few dollars for cafeteria. Each bag had been decorated by owner, so they recognized their lunches without any extra commotion. She put lunches on a table beside their front door before she went to set the table. Three kind of cereals, a pair of toast in the toaster, fastens morning a lot, orange juice, milk, water and a chocolate chip cookies. Cocoa powder, tea water and coffee. First ones were about to wake up, she heard Giles’ footsteps when he went to the bathroom. She made his morning tea ready, in five minutes he would come down. Usually Giles came home for lunch, but today Buffy had a feeling he wouldn’t. So she dug up Giles’s fabric bag and packed it up. Toast with strawberry jam, a little bottle of orange juice, five dollars, bottle of water, stake, toast with ham and cheese, ready-to-go salad from the store few blocks away and a knife and fork.

“Good morning, Buffy”, Giles appeared in kitchen as soon as she had got his bag done.  
“Good morning, Giles. How was the dreamworld?” Buffy smiled and gave him his tea.  
“Thank you. You should sleep too, Buffy, I’m quite worried about you”, he put his tea down and started to clean his glasses. Buffy rolled her eyes.  
“I’m fine, really. I was up whole night thinking what I should do in my life. I can’t just sit around all the time, it’s really boring and makes me frustrated. I would train more, if Xander only could handle my hits and kicks. It’s not his fault, we could do a lot more things but I’m not interested about those. I should really get a job”  
“I agree, but where? You had almost ten hours time to think, did you get any ideas?”  
“No, but I’m not going to work at Magic Box again. Or Doublemeat Palace, but I’ve worked as a waitress before. I noticed that in a downtown there’s plenty of coffee bars, I’m sure there has to be one needing more staff”  
“Don’t be so sure, life is not that easy”  
“You don’t say? Giles, I’ve died twice and came back, I know life isn’t easy. Finding a job isn’t as hard as digging yourself up from a grave”, Giles wasn’t expecting that kind of metaphor. Buffy didn’t talk much about how she came back and how it had felt.  
“Well, uh… I don’t have an experience like that, but I have experience of living this life. I was alive even before my Watcher time, you know that. I may have had a quite wild youth, but I know how to be reasonable adult”  
“Giles, stop. You are making my morning worse than it already is”  
“I thought you said you’re fine”  
“I am, if only you would stop grilling me”

Their argument was interrupted by Dawn, who sat at breakfast table yawning.  
“Did you stay up late again? I told you to go sleep at ten!” Buffy looked at Dawn strictly. This was one thing why Giles was proud of Buffy, she had started to really raise Dawn.  
“You are staying up too!” Dawn protested while taking cereal.  
“It’s different, I don’t have to wake up early and go to school or work. You have to go to school, so please, do as you’re told”, Buffy thanked Lord she didn’t pack a chocolate in Dawn’s bag. Chocolate was for kind children, not ones who rebel. She looked at her younger sister with gaze that stopped her from saying anything.  
“Buffy’s right, Dawn. It’s not healthy either to stay up late”, the latter sentence was addressed also to Buffy, who was like she didn’t notice.  
“Giles, it’s okay for you to be our dad, but it’s not okay for Buffy to be mother. It’s like incest”, Dawn was joking, but it didn’t make Buffy or Giles laugh. So, they must be serious. Dawn sighed and muttered something that sound like okay, but they weren’t sure.  
“Please, say louder. It’s not nice to whisper in a crowd”, Buffy gave her a smirk and turned to Giles.  
“So, you’re not coming home for lunch? Mind explaining why?” Giles started to clean his glasses.  
“Well, I have an important meeting so I-I have to drive to Columbus”  
“It’s two and half an hour away! When are you coming back?”  
“In the evening. Like I said, I have a meeting, but I’m not staying”  
“Okay, just remember to come back as one piece. Here, I packed your lunch just in case”, Buffy gave Giles his bag and man smiled to show his appreciation. He put his glasses back on and Buffy wondered for thousandth time why the lenses weren’t worn out.

“Good Morning! Giles, are you going somewhere?” Willow was happy as a sunshine. There was only a few classes to attend.  
“Yes, open the shop when you get back. I will put a note on the door about later opening”  
“Okay. What are you doing today, Buffy?” she smiled and gave a hug to her friend.  
“Some reading, maybe. If I’m bored enough, I’m doing new lunch bags. Like, one for every day of the week”, Buffy smiled back and made some toast. She was going to bed right after everyone left, it was sure. Maybe she was able to get few hours of sleep. She greeted Andrew and Kennedy, giving Andrew a bowl of Cheerios.  
“Thanks, Buffy. Y-you’re so kind”, no one knew why he was stuttering. Everyone liked him, he shouldn’t be afraid of them.  
“No problem, sweetie”, Buffy couldn’t believe she was speaking like this. She truly was becoming a good little housewife. To who? Giles? Yuck! Suddenly, their doorbell rang.  
“D-did I hear the doorbell?” Andrew was pouring milk to his cereal and froze. He was afraid of another apocalypse.  
“Yes, who would it be?” Kennedy wondered and gave a good morning kiss to Willow.  
“No idea, I’m getting it,” Buffy said and took a stake with her. Just in case.

She opened the door carefully and when she saw the visitor, she shrieked.


End file.
